Lest you think last night’s lightening show was the SoHum story of the day, the scandal of the year erupted this morning on the Women on Wednesday on KMUD. I was on my way to depositions in Eureka when a young mother named Lisa Miller called in to complain about her treatment by a waiter at the Benbow Inn yesterday. Apparently, she was in the dining room when her child required a shot of breast milk. When she bared her mammary gland, the waiter apparently approached her and asked her to move the feeding process into the lobby. Ms. Miller objected and she was threatened with ejection.
So she contacted Le Leche League who informed her that it is against the law to interfere with human breastmilk consumption by offspring in a public place. The law reads as follows:
Cal. Civ. Code §43.3, >1997 Cal ALS 59; 1997 Cal AB 157; Stats 1997 ch 59.
Notwithstanding any other provision of law, a mother may breastfeed her child in any location, public or private, except the private home or residence of another, where the mother and child are authorized to be present.
Ergo, according to Ms. Miller, on both the morning show and later on the KMUD news, “my civil rights were violated.” When she returned to the Inn this morning with a copy of the law, she was apparently not well received, at least not to her liking.
“This is big,” the hostess of the show added, and apparently the Inn received a slew of telephone calls from listeners.
Big? You can tell we live in a slow town down here. Usually.
Teresa Porter, co-owner of the Inn, has a different story to tell. She insists that the Benbow Inn is “pro-breast feeding,” and “not lactose intolerant.” She says that Ms. Miller was not merely breastfeeding in a discreet manner, but doing it in an “open” manner that made some of the other guests feel uncomfortable. I am not clear from the KMUD interview whether the option was discussed at the time, but question arose as to whether Ms. Miller would have been willing to cover her breast with a napkin during the feeding. Ms. Porter said that other customers had breastfed their children discreetly without incident. She complained about the manner in which Ms. Miller and the Wednesday women handled the matter. Ms. Miller responded, “they brought it on themselves.”
I wasn’t there. I can’t take sides. Were the other customers uncomfortable, or was it the waiter’s problem? And if the other customers were uncomfortable, is it her problem or theirs? Is Ms. Miller a cultural elitist insensitive to the feelings of guests from less sexually open cultural milieus, or was she really just trying to feed her child without hassle? Perhaps there are independent witnesses out there who can bare all for our benefit.
I can tell you that there was one moment in the interview that I felt uncomfortable about Ms. Miller’s response. When asked whether she could have been more discreet in her presentation while feeding, she responded, “I am going to feed my child when he needs to be fed.” My problem is that it isn’t an answer to the question. It seems a dodge. I didn’t hear anything from her about the feelings of the people around her. She discussed only her wants and needs as if they were the only consideration. Now, it was a quick interview, and I know from experience that it’s not always easy to communicate everything you want in a short time when you’re kind of on the spot. But personally, I’d like to hear Ms. Miller’s candid thoughts about the feelings of the other guests and to what degree she believes that they figure into her equation – separate from the issue of law and rights.
In the meantime, here’s an interesting article about the impact of terrorism on breastfeeding. Off topic I suppose, but it’s too interesting a read to pass up.
Update: Apparently there is going to be a “nurse-in” at the Inn sometime on Friday. Advice to the Porters – warn the guests and try to have a sense-of-humor about it.
Second update: Heard the story again this morning, and this time in its entirety. Want to clear up a few errors on my part. For one thing, the mother’s name is Elisa, not Lisa. I have no idea if I’m spelling it right. Secondly, her child is female.
And in the KMUD interview, Ms. Miller stated that she was told to leave the room to “do that,” and not offered the option of “covering up.” On the other hand, Teresa Porter stated that when she spoke to Ms. Miller that she had the feeling that Ms. Miller would not have agreed to cover up. Too much amibiguity there. Ms. Porter also said that she did not believe that Ms. Miller was interested in receiving an apology.
The fact that a manager was involved rather than a waiter suggests that there probably were customer complaints for what that’s worth. And as one commenter here said, the fact that the manager addressed the husband directly rather than the mother suggests that the guy may have had an issue of his own of some sort.
One thing clear to me however is that the Wednesday Women jumped the gun a bit – shooting before getting any facts. They heard one side and only one side.
The breast wars continue….
Note, the story has revealed to me yet another local blog.
16 comments
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June 29, 2006 at 2:54 pm
Anonymous
There are some women that breastfeed that do not care what others think and are very “in your face” about it. It’s like they enjoy the problems that are caused by it.
There is a term for these women, and online communities named “boob nazis” They are the very militant breast feeders that think they should be able to whip their boobs out at any time and breastfeed, without any regard to the place or people around them.
If she dodged your question, then she probably falls into that category. Especially since she went to the LLL and yelled about civil rights.
People like that tend to ruin it for the mothers that are very discreet when they breastfeed in public.
June 29, 2006 at 9:05 pm
Anonymous
Apparently, the maitre d at the Benbow Inn talked to the young woman’s husband instead of to the woman herself. This fact alone (if true) leads me to question the sensitivity of the Inn in handling this issue. We do need more information before casting stones, though, and I hope your blog will follow this story.
June 29, 2006 at 10:46 pm
Eric V. Kirk
Boob nazis? An interesting term.
Wasn’t my question btw. It was Estelle Fennel’s. I heard the story again this morning on my way up to Eureka, this time all of it, and I need to make a couple of corrections. And we don’t have all the facts, but I do share your concerns about “boob nazis” in general. Although I could personally care less, many if not most do view the public display of breasts as inappropriate.
Anyway, thank you both for some very thoughtful comments, and anon 205, that’s a very good point about the manager.
June 30, 2006 at 8:08 am
Anonymous
Oh gee, sorry if some people are offended by breasts, perhaps they have not suckled on them enough themselves to appreciate them. Its not like she was changing the babys diaper on the table or something.
Some people in this county are offended by the color of some peoples skin.
In some places it is considerd rude for a woman to bare any portion of her skin. I’m sure some of the women who are forced to wear one of those robes would get a kick out of offending weak kneed jerks who think it s inapropriate for women to show their face.
If you don’t like it, don’t look at it.
June 30, 2006 at 2:45 pm
Anonymous
And that attitude is exactly why people get so annoyed with te militant mommies.
Breastfeeding doesn’t make you some special saviour to the world. Your breasts are not filled with gold. You CAN and SHOULD take into consideration the feelings of other people around you. It’s not all about you and your child. You can be discreet and feed your child without having to flaunt it and make people uncomfortable.
When I breastfeed this child, I am not going on a mission to make as many people as possible see my breasts. I will cover it up and do my best to avoid causing discomfort to people. I can still feed my child without being a drama queen and whining about my poor violated civil rights.
Why do so many breastfeeders lack common courtesy? Are your brains being sucked out through your breast milk?
June 30, 2006 at 2:46 pm
Anonymous
Oh, and don’t even compare breastfeeding with woman over in the middle east. It is not even similar.
You don’t get killed for flashing your breast and you know it.
June 30, 2006 at 3:23 pm
Anonymous
No, just insulted and humiliated.
June 30, 2006 at 4:18 pm
Anonymous
When you refuse to take other people’s feelings into consideration, and demand that places cater to you, then too bad.
They have the legal right to refuse you service. You may be protected under law to feed your child, but they also don’t have to serve you or have you at their establishment.
I am a mother, I have breastfed. I still am not having any sympathy for the people that do not use common courtesy when breast feeding. Being discreet isn’t the end of the world. They make wonderful clothes that work. Not everyone wants to see a big, white, blue veined breast when they are trying to eat at Benbow. COnsider your surroundings before you just decide to flash the entire place.
No one else should matter when it comes to feeding your child in public. What is so hard to grasp about common courtesy?
June 30, 2006 at 11:13 pm
Eric V. Kirk
Well, we’re talking about two issues here (maybe more). One is whether the restaurant has the right to toss somebody out for breastfeeding. The law protects her right to breastfeed whereever she “is authorized to be present.” It’s vague, and could imply that the authorization may be revoked and thus the law become inapplicable. Or it could mean that if anybody from the public is authorized to be there, she is too whether she breastfeeds. It’s not the most clearly worded law I’ve read.
The other issue is whether a manager has the moral right to “insult and humiliate.” I would say certainly not. But his manner would then be the issue, not the mere fact that he asked her to breastfeed in the lobby.
This morning I heard Ms. Miller say on the KMUD news rebroadcast that “chances are” she would have agreed to cover her breast with a napkin. I don’t know what that means.
Anon 1:08 wrote: “Oh gee, sorry if some people are offended by breasts, perhaps they have not suckled on them enough themselves to appreciate them.”
Perhaps not, but the fact remains that many are in fact offended by the public display of breasts. Maybe it shouldn’t be that way, but it is. Not everybody thinks the way you do. That’s life. And to demand that everybody subscribe to your life philosophy, and to be in their faces if you don’t, is to practice the very cultural elitism that separates many progressives from the mainstream of America. Their perception is that we think we’re better than them, and that we know what’s best for them – and sometimes they resent it. When issues like this come up, I think they have a point.
July 1, 2006 at 6:46 pm
Anonymous
“not everybody thinks the way you do”
This could be said just as easily to the waiter, to the diners, as to the breastfeeding mother.
Seeing a breast hurts noone.
July 1, 2006 at 11:49 pm
Eric V. Kirk
Unfortunately, many people feel differently. But Benbow Inn is a business. They cater to tourists from the midwest, the south, and cultures from other nations. They aren’t obligated to take a stand in the culture wars.
July 2, 2006 at 2:11 am
Anonymous
I compare this to the gay pride parades. Only in the sense that the blatant display and very unapologetic behaviour on the part of the participants causes the majority to be repulsed and very upset. It doesn’t help the cuase, and in some cases can even hurt it.
There is much to be said for being discreet and not flaunting something to be a pain in the ass.
And neither one takes that into consideration. Really, we get it already. You have rights!! Now cover up and go about your business.
July 2, 2006 at 5:50 am
Anonymous
They are not obligated to take a stand, yet they have, in opposition to public breastfeeding.
What we have here is majority versus minority, the majority feels entitled to decide what parts of the body the minority make expose in public.
If I told someone at my restaurant to put a bag on thier head because it was big, white, blue veined and therefore offended me, that wouldn’t go over to well would it?
July 2, 2006 at 6:05 am
Eric V. Kirk
No, but then there isn’t a large culture out there that believes big, white, blue veined faces should be covered. Most people in this country feel that the display of breasts is inappropriately sexually provocative. You can debate the point, and I would agree with you that breastfeeding in particular is not sexually provocative, and even the nonbaby related display of breasts is only provocative because of the novelty of it in our culture. But not everybody feels that way about it, you aren’t going to convince anybody by shoving your values down their throats.
She was asked simply to move into the lobby. The waiter may have handled it badly, but the request itself is not unreasonable when they are getting complaints. I’m sorry she felt uncomfortable with the request, but she isn’t the center of the universe.
July 9, 2006 at 12:02 am
Jennifer
One question: when a woman (without an infant) dines at the restaurant and is attired in a very low-cut dress where full cleavage is seen and all of the breast directly above the nipple, do patrons complain?
It’s difficult to judge a situation when we aren’t there. However, it seems that the acceptance of exposing a breast has to do with who’s doing the exposing: a mother or someone making a fashion statement.
July 28, 2006 at 5:24 pm
John E. Porter
Your comment about my wife does not deserve a response, especially since you were to cowardly to leave your name.
John E. Porter
(707) 923-2142