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I recently watched John Carpenter’s Vampires.  It was okay.  I’ve seen a number of vampire movies over the years.  They don’t scare me.  Zombies scare me.  Vampires?  All of them lame.

I’m on the quest for a scary vampire movie.  The creepiest one was The Hunger, but it was the concept and plot which creeped me out.  Catherine DeNeuve and Susan Sarandon weren’t scary.  In fact, the sex/bite scene between them is probably one of the most erotic moments in film – until Sarandon ended up bleeding.

I watched the whole Buffy series and the Angel spin-off.  None of the vampires scared me, although those creepy floating skull creatures in Victorian garb which thrived on silence scared the bajeezus out of me.  Probably the lamest vampires ever were those in the original Buffy movie.  Did they really expect Pee Wee to impress as a vampire?

Bela Lugosi was a self-parody even before he set the standard.

Nosferatu, the silent movie version, was kind of scary.  Kind of.

I think the closest to scary any vampire has reached were the Lost Boys, but I think that film creeped me out because I was living in Santa Cruz at the time it was filmed there.  The sites were familiar, and twisted, like a dream.  But Kiefer Sutherland is scary anyway, whether he’s a vampire or just a teenage punk.

So, have any vampire movies scared you?  Maybe these vampires aren’t lame.  Maybe vampires just don’t scare me.

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